life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
