I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
