I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
