Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
