Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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