i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
