dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
