id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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