so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
