It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
