He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
