Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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