I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
