haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
