I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
