She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
