When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
