I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
