the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
