ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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