So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
