dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
