I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
