I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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