DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
