I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize