i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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