is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
