found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
