I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
