oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
