So drunk, too bad you don't want this
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
