the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
