Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
