I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
