You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
