New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
