I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
