My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
