you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
