I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
