New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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