Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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