Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
