so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
