mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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