oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
