I'm going to jail i love you
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
