I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
