youre lurking in front of me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
time to smoke my breakfast
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
