Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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