Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
