i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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