Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
