I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
