Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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