Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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