wrigley field is MILF paradise
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
