the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
