allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
