i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
