I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize