i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
